Never send a wrong email

A man checked into a hotel.
There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.
However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without realising his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile... Somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends. After reading the 1st message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed intothe room found his mother on the floor and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've reached
Date: January 31, 2004

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here; we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones. I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you TOMORROW!

Your loving Hubby.

Farting in the bus

John took a bus to office one day.

In the bus, just while he was enjoying a fantastic music, he have an urge to fart, must be the onion ring he had just now. The bus was full of people, so he can not fart loudly....

While he listen to the music, he have an idea. He can synchronise his fart with the music beat, ya that was a great idea, he thought. So he just released his gas when the beat was loud.

But after a few round of farting, he noticed everybody were staring at him in a strange way.

Why? he thought, the music beat was covering the farting sound every time. What went wrong?
Then he look downward, and he noticed his MP3 player.

Ooooo.... ya the music came from his MP3 player to his EAR PHONE!

Successful Sons

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at aparty. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economicsand Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."

The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, and then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company,where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."

The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his ownconstruction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion."

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returnedfrom the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for? " One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. What about your son?"

The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub." The three friends said: "What a shame... what a disappointment." The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's myson and I love him. And he hasn't done too badly either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his threeboyfriends."

Sex Education by Pua Chu Kang

Chu Kang ( PCK ) explaining sex to Chu Beng's son, Aloysius .........
Aloy : Why is making love so enjoyable ?
PCK : Aiyah, ah boy, enjolable becaws, same like when you dig your nose with your finger mah !
Aloy : Do you think women enjoy sex more than men ?
PCK : Of course woman lah ! When you dig dig your nose, your nose feel better than your finger, right ?
Aloy : Why do women hate it when they get raped ?
PCK : Ai-yah ! Say, you walk along the load, den someone come over and dig your nose, you like or not ? Ehhh ? Don't pray pray ah !
Aloy : Why is it a woman cannot have sex when she is having her menses?
PCK : Oy !! If your nose bleeding, you still go and dig meh?? Siow ah ! Use your blain, use your blainnn ...........
Aloy : Why is it most men don't like wearing condoms when they are making love ?
PCK : Ehhhh, when you dig your nose ah, you like to dig with a glove on your finger or not ? Not the same shiok feeling mah. Corlight or not?
Aloy : Why is making love carried out in private ?
PCK : Ah boyyyyy, use your blain, use your blainnnnn .............................. you go and dig your nose in flont of your whole class izit ?? Stupid lah!!
Aloy : Wah ...... Uncle Chu Kang, you are very good.
PCK : "Apa den...... , best in Singapore, JB, some say Batam wah, and now, the whole world also leh!!!"

Wireless technology 5000 years ago

After having dug to a depth of 1000 meters last year, Swedish scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 1000 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Swedes, in the weeks that followed, English scientists dug to a depth of 2000 meters and shortly after headlines in the UK newspapers read; English archaeologists have found traces of 2000 year old fiber-optic cable and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech digital communications network a thousand years earlier than the Swedes.

One week later, Malaysian newspapers reported the following: After digging as deep as 5000 meters in padi fields in Kedah, Malaysian scientists have found absolutely nothing. They, therefore, have concluded that 5000 years ago, Malaysian's inhabitants were already using wireless technology.

MALAYSIA BOLEH!!!!!!

A very witty Sami

Sami ditemuramah tentang program angkasawan negara.

Sami: "...Bagi saya, ini semua adalah satu pembaziran atas duit rakyat. Kita sepatutnya tidak hantar mereka ke bulan, tapi hantar mereka pergimatahari. Barulah USA, Russia, respect sama kita...."

Penemuramah: Tapi Dato' Seri, matahari kan panas. Macam mana mau pergisana?

Sami: Cit! itu pasal la u tara jadi mintri. Saya suda lebey 30 tahun jadimintri, saya musti ada jalan penyelesaian. Kita jangan pergi siang, manyakpanas. kita pigi malam, baru ada sujuuuuuk......

Why Chewing Gum Is Banned In Singapore

One day Lee Kwan Yew went to Thailand and had lobster at the dinner with the Thai King. After Lee finished, he asked the King,

Lee : Your Highness, what can you do with this lobster shell?
King: We cannot do anything with it, we just throw away.
Lee : Oh, no. In our country, we send it to the factory and produce some prawn cracker.

Then Lee had an orange. After he finished, he asked the King.

Lee : What can you do with the orange skin?
King: We cannot do anything. we throw away.
Lee : Oh, no. In Singapore , we send it to the factory and produce some orange jam.

Then Lee asked for some chewing gum. After he finished, he put on the plate and asked the King.

Lee : What can you do with the chewing gum?
King: We just throw it away.
Lee : In Singapore , we send it to the factory and produce condoms and send it to Thailand .

Lee said good-bye to the King and the King asked Lee.

King: What can you do with the condom when you finish using it?
Lee : We cannot do anything. We throw it away.
King: Oh no. In Thailand , when we finish using the condom, we send it to the factory to produce chewing gum and send it back to SINGAPORE !!!!!

Old cock vs young cock

"There's a farmer who rears chickens for a living. As far as the hens can lay eggs, the farmer would just keep a cock to handle 100 hens. After all, a cock can't lay eggs, no point to have more.

One day, the farmer bought a young cock to help out the old cock, as the old cock, well, is getting old. But the old cock doesn't think so. Old cock was very angry, and confronted the young cock, "What are you doing here? I'm still very strong and healthy, I don't need you!"

Young cock was very innocently being accused for intruding. "Never mind," said the old cock, "You young cocks always think you can out run me. Why not we compete over a race. If you can out run me, you get to keep the 100 hens, and I'll keep quiet. But if not, you leave this place." Young cock agrees.

So they started running, with the young cock chasing the old from behind. Suddenly, "Bang!", the young cock was shot down by the farmer. The farmer cursed, "What the hell!! This is the 11th time I bought a gay cock!!"

Moral of the story: Beware of old cock I mean old hand in your work place.

Why M'sian Govrn insists on using English?

This is because the whole world uses the language as an information and/or technology language. How dangerous it will be if we try to use Bahasa, especially in school.

See example below:-
Hardware = barangkeras
Software = baranglembut
Joystick = batang gembira
Plug and Play = cucuk dan main
Port = lubang Server = pelayan
Client = &n bsp;pelanggan

Try to translate this:

ENGLISH:
That server gives a plug and play service to the client using either hardware or software joystick. The joystick goes into the port of the client.

Now in BAHASA:
Pelayan itu memberi pelanggannya layanan cucuk dan main dengan menggunakan batang gembira jenis keras atau lembut. Batang gembira itu akan dimasukkan ke dalam lubang pelanggan.

Now you know...WHY... :)